Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
