Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
