So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
