Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize