this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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