you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
