i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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