Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
