I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
