What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
