it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she peed on how many people?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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