i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
