No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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