the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
