it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
