I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
