i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
