If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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