Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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