I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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