3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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