Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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