It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
