I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
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I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
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Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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