Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You made out with two different species that night
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
