well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
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Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
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pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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