if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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