I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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