I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Four minutes until I can fart!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
