The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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