I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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