My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
