the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
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I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
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I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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