Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
