I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
