Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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