In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
