Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize