Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He felt like a one man threesome
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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