now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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