I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
