Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize