Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
