Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
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Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
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you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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