just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
