Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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