Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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