i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
