the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize