Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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