Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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