His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm both gender and math confused
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
