it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
