He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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