shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
