i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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