How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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