I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
