just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
