thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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