I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
